The Wrong Question

Lately I have been in situations where I have walked away and asked the question, "What is wrong with me?"  I am a very self- reflective person who does not enjoy discomfort of any kind and so therefore when I have a negative experience or interaction with someone I first ask the question, "What did I do wrong?"  There have been numerous times when I have found that I could have done something better, said something a different way or behaved in a different manner.

Over the past couple of years I have been in a few similar circumstances where it seems I find myself on the other side of a locked door after I thought I was given the key to freely come and go.  This has been mind boggling and it has also been very wounding emotionally, spiritually and I have even found physically harmful because the stress of it begins to impact my health.

There have been days when I wreck my brain, spend time in prayer trying to discover the answer to the question "What's wrong with me? What is my problem?"  And I don't come up with an answer.  I am a sincere woman who desires to see people become spiritually transformed.  It is my hearts desire to help other people flow in their gifts and calling.  However I can't seem to find someone for myself with that same desire for me.  Just when I think I have. Just when it seems I have been handed a key that leads me out of the prison of being locked into just making other peoples dreams come true and having the opportunity of freely flowing in my gifts and my calling?  I find out that the locks have been changed.  My key no longer works.  And I stand outside the door asking the question, "What did I do wrong?"  No answer.

This time I pondered and I discovered perhaps regarding this pattern of experiences I was asking the wrong question.  The question could be, "What is wrong with them?"  This isn't a prideful question, I have done the work of reflecting on my attitudes and my actions however I have found that when insecurity holds the keys I will always find myself holding a key that no longer unlocks the doors that were promised to me.  What's wrong with them?  Insecurity.  Not able to see the gift in me or the gift of me and therefore while I think I am standing outside of the place where I was once free?  I realize that it was not a place of freedom after all.  It's when I am locked out that I discover I am the one standing in the place of freedom.

What's the invitation?  The Spirit asks, "How do you respond when it's not you?" My response, I move forward, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and I practice gratitude for the Spirit's grace of preventing me from being a slave to insecurity.

Using Your Voice

Most recently I had my thyroid removed and a couple of the side effects is hoarseness and not being able to project my voice.  You can imagine this is quite difficult for me because I am a talker and I am a teacher and these side effects have made it difficult to do both.  The fact that I am a former speech therapist doesn't even guard me against my feelings of frustration when I notice that I have been talking too much and it is resulting in my voice becoming weaker.

Today while I was praying about this area of frustration in my life I asked the Lord what was He trying to reveal to me through this experience. I asked because I had discovered that I was picking and choosing who I would text and who I would talk to.  This led me to discover several principles that I am taking away from this experience.  Perhaps it will help you to discern when you should use your voice.

The definition of value:  to consider with respect to worth, excellence, usefulness, or importance; to regard or esteem highly:(taken from Webster's Dictionary)

The primary revelation:  

“Don’t use your voice to talk with people who do not value what you have to say. When you are silent with those people (the ones who do not value your voice) your voice will be stronger when those who value your words need to hear you speak.”  This “valuing” of your voice is not about agreeing with what you say, but a willingness to consider what you’ve said.”

other revelations:  

• Your voice is never wasted when you are speaking with someone who is willing to listen.  Even if you disagree. 

• Choose wisely to whom you give the strength of your voice to.  

• Being silent is oftentimes the best way to give strength to your voice so that when you speak, your voice is strong.  

• People who value your voice will help you protect your voice when necessary.  

What is the invitation?  The invitation is to only speak when you are in the company of someone who values what you have to say.  This requires you to wait and to listen to the Holy Spirit say, "you can use your voice now". 

How Do You Gauge Whether or Not You Have Forgiven A Person?

   
I woke up this morning with another revelation about forgiveness.  Most recently I have been struggling with dealing with some folk who require my forgiveness.  If you read my previous posts you will see what God has already spoken to me about forgiveness.


     This morning I was wondering how do I know when I am walking in forgiveness?  I needed to know this because I knew that sooner than later I would be face to face with those individual(s).  How was I suppose to respond?  How was I suppose to feel?  I sincerely believe that the Holy Spirit gave me the answer.  The Holy Spirit said, "You don't gauge whether or not you have forgiven the person based on whether or not you are still experiencing the pain of the offense.  You gauge whether or not you have forgiven the person(s) based on whether or not you are penalizing them for the offense."  It takes me back to Jesus, on the cross saying, "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34).    He was still experiencing the pain yet he forgave me AND removed the penalty for my offenses!  This is what forgiveness really is.  It's not about becoming "pain free" over the offense.  It's about being aware of those moments when you want to penalize your offender and then overcoming the temptation to do it.   Do I need to add that you will need the power of the Holy Spirit?  You cannot forgive on your own.  It is in our nature to want to punish someone who hurt us.  Forgiveness removes the punishment but it might not remove the pain.  As a matter of fact, it can be painful to us not to punish the offender.  Wasn't it painful for Jesus?   Perhaps this is what we really mean when we say "I can forgive, but I can't forget."  Sometimes the pain reminds us of the offense even when we have chosen not to penalize the person.  But if we are remembering the offense so we can penalize that person then we have not forgiven that person.

Remember God can heal you from the pain that you have experienced if you are willing to work through it with the help of the Holy Spirit.  You may also need to get the support of other people.  I believe that overcoming the temptation to penalize that individual helps us to heal.

What's the invitation?  Say YES to Forgiveness

Ask God to make you aware of those times when you want to penalize someone who has caused you pain.

How are you being tempted to penalize that person? Giving them the "cold shoulder", gossiping about them behind their backs? Finding ways to push their hot buttons?  Being passive aggressive etc.,?

Once you are aware of your temptation to penalize choose the way out. Which is to forgive; not penalizing the person for the offense.

When you have overcome the temptation to penalize a person who has offended you, that person knowingly or unknowingly has been a recipient of your forgiveness! That's extending unconditionally love.  Isn't that what Jesus did for me and for you?

 

Hang in There and Forgive

Forgiving others the way Jesus forgave us requires us to hang in there commend our spirits into the hands of God and await resurrection power. Forgiving someone the way Jesus did will require you to give up your life so that someone can experience God's unconditional love through you.

We think that because God requires us to forgive those who hurt us that it means He is overlooking the fact that we were hurt by someone, but the fact that He is requiring us to forgive indicates that He sees how deeply we are hurt. Someone else needs to know that God doesn't overlook your pain even though He asks you to overlook an offense. 

 Forgiveness comes while we are still wounded (He was wounded on the cross). We aren't suppose to wait for the wounds to heal to forgive we must forgive in spite of our woundedness. It's a beautiful picture of what Jesus did on the cross. Forgiving someone while the wounds of the pain they have caused are still healing is a picture of unconditional love that brings about an opportunity of reconciliation. (God is really dealing with me about this forgiveness issue! If I tell ya'll I want my wounds to heal before I forgive would I have some folk who would say me too!) We gotta hang in there and do it God's way! OUCH!

GET YOUR ENEMIES BACK!

      Do you have any enemies?  Are there people who never have anything good to say about you?  What about people who are bold enough to let you and others know they just don't like you?  Unfortunately this has been a pattern in my life. There have been times when I have racked my brain asking myself and God "What was my problem?"  What had I done?  There were times when I would just go to God and tell Him I felt I had been misjudged and mistreated by others all my life and I wanted Him to do something about it.  I wanted Him to get my enemies back for me.
     One morning during my meditation times, the Lord told me that He would get my enemies back for me, but He wanted to use me to get them back.  He reminded me that the people who were misjudging me where His children.  He was their Creator and He told me that His son Jesus died on the cross and was raised from the dead for them, just as he had for me.  He let me know that I had a great responsibility toward the very people that made it their business to hurt me.  God said, "When people slander your name and misjudge your character they are furthest from me because I have nothing to do with sin."
       People who seek to steal our joy have stepped out of the comfort zone of God-God's will- and into the danger zone with the devil.  That's a dangerous place to be and it's our responsibility to get them back into the safety zone (God's will).         We must not let them remain in the danger zone of jealousy, bitterness, unforgiveness or other problems that they may have.  We must get them back.  How do we do that?  God's Word gives us the formula.  We must forgive, love, bless and pray for our enemies (Mark 11:25, 1 Cor. 13: 4-8, Matt. 5:44 and Romans 12:14).  If we present our request to God He will answer and there is no greater blessing than to be a blessing to someone else.  It's not easy to forgive, love, bless and pray for those whose intentions are to cause us pain but we must remember that we must stay in the safety zone with Christ.  We can't allow ourselves to become bitter and angry towards our enemies because if we do, then we will be defeated and destroyed.
     WHAT's THE INVITATION?  Get your enemies back- in the will of God by forgiving them, loving them and praying for them to have an encounter with God that will reveal the length width and depth of God's love for them.

1.  Get a piece of paper and a pen.  Ask God to bring the names of the people that have been         persecuting you, that you believe are intentionally trying to hurt you. Ask God if your perception regarding your experiences with them are correct?  They may not be your enemies, it could just be a simple misunderstanding.  If God reveals that you do have someone intentionally trying to cause you pain then go to #2.
2.  Pray and ask God would give you the willingness to forgive, love, bless and pray for them. Ask     God to let you see them from His perspective.  Ask God to give you a heart of compassion towards
them.
3.  Pray that they be reconciled back into the safety zone-God's will by asking God to remove their ill   will towards you.  Then ask that the two of you be reconciled.
4.  Ask God to provide opportunities for you to be a blessing to those individuals or that person.

Getting your enemies back-with Christ- is sweeter than revenge.

(I wrote this article in July 1998 when I was creating a monthly newsletter

and thought I would tweak it a little and share it with you, I am going to put more 

of those articles on this blog check back and see!)

Free At Last!

      My soul cries out for freedom. Yet when I was free to write whatever I wanted I ignored my liberty.  Fear of imperfection is my prison cell. Who put me in this jailhouse?   My mother, my father? No!   My fear.....of imperfection.  Who has the key to release me?  My husband, my friends, my classmates, my teacher?  No! I do!  Compassion for myself is the key.  Courage to be vulnerable opens the door so that fear will no longer restrain me.  I will then be free to greet imperfection with a hug for teaching me how to be real.  

You Are Invited To Be Courageous. Say Yes!

     I am taking a class called "Formation Mentoring".  It's really more like a group.  In this weeks lesson we are invited to look at our "dispositions"(traits or characteristics).  Our "dispositions enable us to share our inner self to the world around us."  We are asked to list about five dispositions that we would like to have in our lives and then we are invited to do something that requires courage.  We are invited to ask people who are close to us to share with us "traits" that they see in us.
      I decided to be courageous and ask my husband my son, and my daughter.  Why?  Because it is an opportunity for me to grow. Sure I can have the attitude that says, "It doesn't matter what anyone thinks or sees in me."  But that's not true.  It does matter.  Some unknown person once said, "A person's perception is their reality."  So I sent them all a text. I suppose I didn't want to hear what their reality was when we interacted.    The words that I received were eye opening.  All three said that I was "loving" and  two said I was"helpful" And then there were the ouch words, one said I was "demanding & and another one said that I was "judgmental".
    All four words became my invitation.   You might wonder why would "loving" and "helpful" be an invitation?  Sometimes as a wife and a mother I have times when I feel like I am doing a crappy job.  To know that my husband, daughter and son, all see me as loving and helpful will remind me that my perception of who they think I am is not my reality.  It was an invitation to say no to the pity party when I feel like I am doing a poor job as a wife and mother.  My family sees me as a loving and helpful  wife and mother.  Even when I think I am not doing such a good job.
     Then I had to look at the words "demanding" and "judgemental".  Those words come with a punch.  But what a blessing!  They are as much a blessing to me as "loving" and "helpful".  I don't want to be demanding and judgemental and I don't want to be perceived as demanding and judgemental so I have decided to accept the invitation to embrace being loving and helpful without being demanding and judgemental.  I know that with the power of the Holy Trinity that I will be able to do just that.
     What an amazing gift it was to be invited to be courageous enough to ask those who spend the most time with me,  "What is your experience with me when we are together?"
     So my friend, since you are reading this blog. could God be inviting you to do the same thing?  Ask your husband, wife, children, mother, father, sisters, brothers, closest friends, etc., that question, "What is your experience with me when we are together?"  It's an invitation worth saying yes to.

You are cordially invited to find out what other people see in you.