How Do You Gauge Whether or Not You Have Forgiven A Person?

   
I woke up this morning with another revelation about forgiveness.  Most recently I have been struggling with dealing with some folk who require my forgiveness.  If you read my previous posts you will see what God has already spoken to me about forgiveness.


     This morning I was wondering how do I know when I am walking in forgiveness?  I needed to know this because I knew that sooner than later I would be face to face with those individual(s).  How was I suppose to respond?  How was I suppose to feel?  I sincerely believe that the Holy Spirit gave me the answer.  The Holy Spirit said, "You don't gauge whether or not you have forgiven the person based on whether or not you are still experiencing the pain of the offense.  You gauge whether or not you have forgiven the person(s) based on whether or not you are penalizing them for the offense."  It takes me back to Jesus, on the cross saying, "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34).    He was still experiencing the pain yet he forgave me AND removed the penalty for my offenses!  This is what forgiveness really is.  It's not about becoming "pain free" over the offense.  It's about being aware of those moments when you want to penalize your offender and then overcoming the temptation to do it.   Do I need to add that you will need the power of the Holy Spirit?  You cannot forgive on your own.  It is in our nature to want to punish someone who hurt us.  Forgiveness removes the punishment but it might not remove the pain.  As a matter of fact, it can be painful to us not to punish the offender.  Wasn't it painful for Jesus?   Perhaps this is what we really mean when we say "I can forgive, but I can't forget."  Sometimes the pain reminds us of the offense even when we have chosen not to penalize the person.  But if we are remembering the offense so we can penalize that person then we have not forgiven that person.

Remember God can heal you from the pain that you have experienced if you are willing to work through it with the help of the Holy Spirit.  You may also need to get the support of other people.  I believe that overcoming the temptation to penalize that individual helps us to heal.

What's the invitation?  Say YES to Forgiveness

Ask God to make you aware of those times when you want to penalize someone who has caused you pain.

How are you being tempted to penalize that person? Giving them the "cold shoulder", gossiping about them behind their backs? Finding ways to push their hot buttons?  Being passive aggressive etc.,?

Once you are aware of your temptation to penalize choose the way out. Which is to forgive; not penalizing the person for the offense.

When you have overcome the temptation to penalize a person who has offended you, that person knowingly or unknowingly has been a recipient of your forgiveness! That's extending unconditionally love.  Isn't that what Jesus did for me and for you?

 

Hang in There and Forgive

Forgiving others the way Jesus forgave us requires us to hang in there commend our spirits into the hands of God and await resurrection power. Forgiving someone the way Jesus did will require you to give up your life so that someone can experience God's unconditional love through you.

We think that because God requires us to forgive those who hurt us that it means He is overlooking the fact that we were hurt by someone, but the fact that He is requiring us to forgive indicates that He sees how deeply we are hurt. Someone else needs to know that God doesn't overlook your pain even though He asks you to overlook an offense. 

 Forgiveness comes while we are still wounded (He was wounded on the cross). We aren't suppose to wait for the wounds to heal to forgive we must forgive in spite of our woundedness. It's a beautiful picture of what Jesus did on the cross. Forgiving someone while the wounds of the pain they have caused are still healing is a picture of unconditional love that brings about an opportunity of reconciliation. (God is really dealing with me about this forgiveness issue! If I tell ya'll I want my wounds to heal before I forgive would I have some folk who would say me too!) We gotta hang in there and do it God's way! OUCH!

GET YOUR ENEMIES BACK!

      Do you have any enemies?  Are there people who never have anything good to say about you?  What about people who are bold enough to let you and others know they just don't like you?  Unfortunately this has been a pattern in my life. There have been times when I have racked my brain asking myself and God "What was my problem?"  What had I done?  There were times when I would just go to God and tell Him I felt I had been misjudged and mistreated by others all my life and I wanted Him to do something about it.  I wanted Him to get my enemies back for me.
     One morning during my meditation times, the Lord told me that He would get my enemies back for me, but He wanted to use me to get them back.  He reminded me that the people who were misjudging me where His children.  He was their Creator and He told me that His son Jesus died on the cross and was raised from the dead for them, just as he had for me.  He let me know that I had a great responsibility toward the very people that made it their business to hurt me.  God said, "When people slander your name and misjudge your character they are furthest from me because I have nothing to do with sin."
       People who seek to steal our joy have stepped out of the comfort zone of God-God's will- and into the danger zone with the devil.  That's a dangerous place to be and it's our responsibility to get them back into the safety zone (God's will).         We must not let them remain in the danger zone of jealousy, bitterness, unforgiveness or other problems that they may have.  We must get them back.  How do we do that?  God's Word gives us the formula.  We must forgive, love, bless and pray for our enemies (Mark 11:25, 1 Cor. 13: 4-8, Matt. 5:44 and Romans 12:14).  If we present our request to God He will answer and there is no greater blessing than to be a blessing to someone else.  It's not easy to forgive, love, bless and pray for those whose intentions are to cause us pain but we must remember that we must stay in the safety zone with Christ.  We can't allow ourselves to become bitter and angry towards our enemies because if we do, then we will be defeated and destroyed.
     WHAT's THE INVITATION?  Get your enemies back- in the will of God by forgiving them, loving them and praying for them to have an encounter with God that will reveal the length width and depth of God's love for them.

1.  Get a piece of paper and a pen.  Ask God to bring the names of the people that have been         persecuting you, that you believe are intentionally trying to hurt you. Ask God if your perception regarding your experiences with them are correct?  They may not be your enemies, it could just be a simple misunderstanding.  If God reveals that you do have someone intentionally trying to cause you pain then go to #2.
2.  Pray and ask God would give you the willingness to forgive, love, bless and pray for them. Ask     God to let you see them from His perspective.  Ask God to give you a heart of compassion towards
them.
3.  Pray that they be reconciled back into the safety zone-God's will by asking God to remove their ill   will towards you.  Then ask that the two of you be reconciled.
4.  Ask God to provide opportunities for you to be a blessing to those individuals or that person.

Getting your enemies back-with Christ- is sweeter than revenge.

(I wrote this article in July 1998 when I was creating a monthly newsletter

and thought I would tweak it a little and share it with you, I am going to put more 

of those articles on this blog check back and see!)

Free At Last!

      My soul cries out for freedom. Yet when I was free to write whatever I wanted I ignored my liberty.  Fear of imperfection is my prison cell. Who put me in this jailhouse?   My mother, my father? No!   My fear.....of imperfection.  Who has the key to release me?  My husband, my friends, my classmates, my teacher?  No! I do!  Compassion for myself is the key.  Courage to be vulnerable opens the door so that fear will no longer restrain me.  I will then be free to greet imperfection with a hug for teaching me how to be real.  

You Are Invited To Be Courageous. Say Yes!

     I am taking a class called "Formation Mentoring".  It's really more like a group.  In this weeks lesson we are invited to look at our "dispositions"(traits or characteristics).  Our "dispositions enable us to share our inner self to the world around us."  We are asked to list about five dispositions that we would like to have in our lives and then we are invited to do something that requires courage.  We are invited to ask people who are close to us to share with us "traits" that they see in us.
      I decided to be courageous and ask my husband my son, and my daughter.  Why?  Because it is an opportunity for me to grow. Sure I can have the attitude that says, "It doesn't matter what anyone thinks or sees in me."  But that's not true.  It does matter.  Some unknown person once said, "A person's perception is their reality."  So I sent them all a text. I suppose I didn't want to hear what their reality was when we interacted.    The words that I received were eye opening.  All three said that I was "loving" and  two said I was"helpful" And then there were the ouch words, one said I was "demanding & and another one said that I was "judgmental".
    All four words became my invitation.   You might wonder why would "loving" and "helpful" be an invitation?  Sometimes as a wife and a mother I have times when I feel like I am doing a crappy job.  To know that my husband, daughter and son, all see me as loving and helpful will remind me that my perception of who they think I am is not my reality.  It was an invitation to say no to the pity party when I feel like I am doing a poor job as a wife and mother.  My family sees me as a loving and helpful  wife and mother.  Even when I think I am not doing such a good job.
     Then I had to look at the words "demanding" and "judgemental".  Those words come with a punch.  But what a blessing!  They are as much a blessing to me as "loving" and "helpful".  I don't want to be demanding and judgemental and I don't want to be perceived as demanding and judgemental so I have decided to accept the invitation to embrace being loving and helpful without being demanding and judgemental.  I know that with the power of the Holy Trinity that I will be able to do just that.
     What an amazing gift it was to be invited to be courageous enough to ask those who spend the most time with me,  "What is your experience with me when we are together?"
     So my friend, since you are reading this blog. could God be inviting you to do the same thing?  Ask your husband, wife, children, mother, father, sisters, brothers, closest friends, etc., that question, "What is your experience with me when we are together?"  It's an invitation worth saying yes to.

You are cordially invited to find out what other people see in you.

I Just Gotta Say Thanks!

What an amazing day! I just want to offer thanks for:

1.  Allowing me the opportunity to talk with an incredible woman of God today who was sweet enough to buy me lunch!
2. Being free from distractions long enough to get two loads of laundry done.  I was able to mop and power clean my bathroom and give my dog a bath!
3.  Letting me get some simple 16 minute recipe ideas from the "Pioneer Woman" on the Food Network ( I am about to start school and perhaps have a part-time job I need all the help I can get!)
4.  My daughter,  who was sweet enough to think about me and bring me some spinach and artichoke dip.
5.  Allowing me to spend some time with my daughter on the sofa chit chatting about our day.
6.  My husbands wisdom that caused me to have an ah ha moment regarding where God is leading me in ministry.
7.  A son who wants to know what I think as he considers where he will be going to college.
 
Thank you Lord!

Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with an attitude of thanksgiving

If the truth be told...

When I was younger I can recall my mom using the expression "if the truth be told" and then she would say what the truth was. I only heard her use that expression when she was preparing someone to hear what truth she wanted to share.

We can use this expression as an invitation to check in with ourselves and discover what is really going on in our hearts and minds.

Take some time to be quiet and listen to the Holy Spirit reveal to you what is really going on.  You could say:

"Holy Spirit I welcome you to reveal the truth of what's going on with me, mentally, emotionally, physically and/or spiritually."

So today,  if the truth be told...

I am overwhelmed and distracted.
I am longing for peace and focus.

I learned through a wise friend that we should ask God to bless the people we love, or those whose lives we have the opportunity to influence with what we are longing for. Soo...

May Jesus bless you with peace and focus today.

And if you would be so kind would you mind offering that same blessing back to me?  Say:

"Joycelyn, may Jesus bless you with peace and focus today."

Thanks!

You are invited to tell the truth in the comment box and let me bless you! May Jesus bless you with...

The Passion Flower

The Passion Flower 

The Anglicized name, "passion" flower refers to the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ. The name and the flower itself are filled with symbolism. The five petals and the five sepals are said to represent the 10 faithful apostles (omitting Peter and Judas). The tips of the leaves suggest the point of the centurion's spear. The central flower column denotes the pillar of the scourging. The flower's tendrils resemble the whips used in the flagellation. The corona filaments are compared to Christ's crown of thorns. The three stigma are called the nails, and the five anthers reflect the five sacred wounds, while the red stains recall the blood of Christ.

Read more: The History of the Passion Flower | Garden Guides http://www.gardenguides.com/82015-history-passion-flower.html#ixzz2Ju6MPQYW

You Are Cordially Invited to Open Up!

In July 2012 I had the privilege of traveling to Pennsylvania to serve on a retreat team through a ministry called Equipping Lydia (EL).  The wonderful thing about serving on one of EL's retreat teams is that you have the opportunity to minister alongside women who are listening for the invitations from God.  On this particular retreat one of the women, who is an artist,  drew a picture of a passion flower and believed that it represented an experience that I had while serving on the retreat team.   God had not fully revealed to me the meaning of that drawing until I started this blog.   

The passion flower she drew was God's invitation for me to be open to His will for my life.  I believe this invitation to openness is what has been the driving force behind my desire to learn about Spiritual Formation.   It has also been an invitation for me to learn and practice other spiritual disciplines such as  solitude and silence.   Spiritual Formation isn't something I learned about in Sunday school or in the church where I had been a member.  So I had to be willing to forsake focusing on what other people might think and just say yes to what God was inviting me to do.    

    

The passion flower is an amazing picture of transformation.   It starts out closed and begins to open in the morning and stays open all day and into the night.  I looked at a Youtube Video of a passion flower opening up and it took almost eight hours for it to open.  Isn't that like us?  As we  become more aware of His presence throughout the day we become more open to His invitations? 

What a beautiful picture of how we are to be formed into the image of God?  In the morning we should spread our hearts open wide in prayer, the reading of His Word and/or other spiritual disciplines.  That's our RSVP to His invitation to transform us.  Then the Son of God will shine his light on us, in us and around us for the world to see the beauty of who He is through our attitudes and actions.  

You are cordially invited....

To be open to practice the discipline of solitude and silence.

You Are Cordially Invited...

 

One aspect of Spiritual Formation is being aware of God's invitations throughout the day to exhibit attitudes and actions that are beyond our natural inclinations.  When I wake up each morning He is saying, "Joycelyn you are cordially invited to spend some time with me.  Can you read My Word and spend some time in prayer with me?"  When I am interacting with my husband, my daughter and my son, He is saying, "You are cordially invited to be patient, compassionate and loving."  In traffic He is saying, "You are cordially invited to restrain yourself from road rage when a driver cuts you off."  When I am discouraged, or fearful He is saying, "You are cordially invited to memorize a passage out of my Word that will give you strength during this difficult time. "  Unfortunately, I don't always recognize His invitations immediately.  But even in my lack of awareness of the invitation, it then becomes an invitation to be more aware of His invitations.  In essence an invitation from God is about having an awareness of His presence and being in tuned to how He wants to reflect Himself through us as we go about our day.  How is God inviting you to conform to His image today?